Time Flies

Why is it that time seems to pass by faster than ever before? It's been April since I posted last, yet seems like only a month or two. Each passing month represents a smaller and smaller percentage of the time you've lived. A year to a five year old seems like forever (it's 20% of their entire life). A year to a 50 year old seems shorter (it's only 2% of their life). In the grand scheme of things, it's almost nothing. Looking backward anyway.

On the other hand, waiting a year for something to happen seems like a long time for both the five year old and the 50 year old (but for different reasons). For the kid, the year is still 20% of their life so far (their only real frame of reference). But, for the 50 year old who has an ever increasing sense of mortality and the future, it's a growing percentage of their remaining life. A year seems like a long ime to wait when you don't have much time to live.

The older I get the more impatient I get.

The 2nd Time Around

When you do a job for the 2nd or 3rd time, you get faster at it. Is that because you're better at it (you've learned the bad ways to do it and the good ways to do it so you can avoid the pitfalls) or is it because you're just bored with the whole thing and want to get it over with quickly?

I'll bet it's a little of both.

Dumb things I've done / Don't lose the cash

This series is becoming a bit off the "Random Thoughts" path but my stupidity seems to manifest itself at random times so I guess it qualifies....

Several years ago, my son was involved with the Boy Scout program (He's an Eagle Scout now). He participated actively in the annual fundraising event; selling wreaths. He had collected about $500 in cash and checks in an envelop to be turned in to the troop. The envelop was sitting on the countertop one day waiting to be hand delivered at the following week's troop meeting. Somehow a pile of letters (bills to be paid) got left on top of the envelop. Somehow the whole pile of envelopes got put into the mailbox and picked up by the postal carrier the next day.

Several days later, I started looking for the wreath money and couldn't find it. hmmmmm, where could it have gone? $500 is a bunch of cash just to disappear.... Then it hit me. The mailbox! Oh no! How could I do such a thing? Now what!

I made a call to the post office and simply asked: "Hello, do you by any chance, have an unsealed envelope full of cash?" They said, "well yes we do, would you like it?" I said, "yes, I would really appreciate it". They said, stop by the post office today, ring the bell at the door behind the PO boxes and ask for "sally". I did just that and without any discussion was handed my son's envelop full of cash.... That was a lucky day!

Maybe I should have made that call to all the other post offices in the surrounding area...

Dumb things I've done / Know when to quit.

When you're in the middle of a long project using power tools and it's getting near the end of the day and you're tired from working all day and you have a thought "I'll just cut one more board quickly (even if it is a tricky cut) and then we can quit for the day".

Stop while you're ahead!

Don't turn on the table saw!

Spend the rest of your energy cleaning the job site or reading the safety manual for the saw instead. Have a cold beverage. Read your email. Comb your hair. Just stand there and look at your shoes. Do anything but turn on the saw!

Dumb things I've done / Be careful what you do. You never know who's watching.

My family and I were at my parents’ home in North Dakota over the holidays without much to do one evening. My son Patrick (home from college) had invited his girlfriend along on the trip (she's a great kid). My mother offered to show some old movies that I had taken of Patrick when he was a baby. For lack of anything better to do and a chance to see my son embarrassed, I joined the crowd in the basement to watch 20 year old videotapes. They were all the usual proud parent baby videos that go on and on and on and on without any apparent end. I was pretty much snoozing through most of it (other than when jabbed by someone about looking goofy 20 years ago with longer hair, a mustache and shorter pants). The video included footage of a trip we took to San Diego when Patrick was about 7 months old. My wife took the baby back to the hotel at one point leaving me on the beach (with the video camera). Well, there on the 20-year old video tape that I had never watched before, was a bit of footage that I (apparently) took of two young ladies who were sunning themselves asleep on the beach (nothing indecent mind you).... I tried to argue that I was just testing the zoom capability on the new video camera but to no avail... I got nasty looks or worse from my mother, my wife and my son's girlfriend. I never saw it coming. How could a quiet evening looking at baby videos 20 years old go so wrong so fast? I did get a high-five from my son....

Quotes from Dad

I have a really bad memory for things like quotes, jokes, my kids' names, etc. I do remember that when I was a boy, my dad (and his peers) had some really funny sayings. I remember none of them but every so often my brother (who obviously has a better memory than I) will throw one out that I recognize as back from "the day". This is an attempt to collect those quotes with a translation here and there (in no particular order):

• If it's worth paintin', it's worth paintin' red.
• Cat got an ass? (in response to some obvious statement).
• Now we're diggin' where there's taters! (we're finally making progress on xxx)
• Anyone can screw something up but it takes a good carpenter to cover it up.
• He got 6 and 2/3s for that (an extra 6 months military service in Korea at 2/3 normal pay).
• A fartin' horse will never tire. A fartin' man's the man to hire.
• You should have two hats like that. One to crap in and one to cover it with. (I don't like your hat)
• We ain't building a piano. (don't sweat the small details)
• Wish in one hand and crap in the other - see which gets full first. (working is more effective than wishing)
• Don't shoot the rain gauge (From grampa Pickel)
• I oughta trade you for an old yeller dog... and shoot the dog.
• (in response to: Where's xxx?") He went to shit and the hounds got him.
• He could shit a rod and scald a rat (he had diarrhea)
• Go pedal your papers somewhere else or
• Go tell your mother she wants you (go away, you bother me)
• He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel
• It smells like lighting struck the outhouse in here
• It’s raining like a cow peein’ on a flat rock
• He’s so tight he’d skin a fart for the grease
• He was hunched over like a dog shittin' fish hooks.
• He didn't know whether to shit or go blind. He shut one eye and farted.
  

Joe was Wrong

Joe Walsh sang "everybody's so different, I haven't changed". I think he was probably wrong on both counts. It's easy and disturbing to see other people change but it's hard to look in the mirror and see something different (except maybe gray hair).