Quotes from Dad

I have a really bad memory for things like quotes, jokes, my kids' names, etc. I do remember that when I was a boy, my dad (and his peers) had some really funny sayings. I remember none of them but every so often my brother (who obviously has a better memory than I) will throw one out that I recognize as back from "the day". This is an attempt to collect those quotes with a translation here and there (in no particular order):

• If it's worth paintin', it's worth paintin' red.
• Cat got an ass? (in response to some obvious statement).
• Now we're diggin' where there's taters! (we're finally making progress on xxx)
• Anyone can screw something up but it takes a good carpenter to cover it up.
• He got 6 and 2/3s for that (an extra 6 months military service in Korea at 2/3 normal pay).
• A fartin' horse will never tire. A fartin' man's the man to hire.
• You should have two hats like that. One to crap in and one to cover it with. (I don't like your hat)
• We ain't building a piano. (don't sweat the small details)
• Wish in one hand and crap in the other - see which gets full first. (working is more effective than wishing)
• Don't shoot the rain gauge (From grampa Pickel)
• I oughta trade you for an old yeller dog... and shoot the dog.
• (in response to: Where's xxx?") He went to shit and the hounds got him.
• He could shit a rod and scald a rat (he had diarrhea)
• Go pedal your papers somewhere else or
• Go tell your mother she wants you (go away, you bother me)
• He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel
• It smells like lighting struck the outhouse in here
• It’s raining like a cow peein’ on a flat rock
• He’s so tight he’d skin a fart for the grease
• He was hunched over like a dog shittin' fish hooks.
• He didn't know whether to shit or go blind. He shut one eye and farted.