Dumb things I've done / Know when to quit.

When you're in the middle of a long project using power tools and it's getting near the end of the day and you're tired from working all day and you have a thought "I'll just cut one more board quickly (even if it is a tricky cut) and then we can quit for the day".

Stop while you're ahead!

Don't turn on the table saw!

Spend the rest of your energy cleaning the job site or reading the safety manual for the saw instead. Have a cold beverage. Read your email. Comb your hair. Just stand there and look at your shoes. Do anything but turn on the saw!

Dumb things I've done / Be careful what you do. You never know who's watching.

My family and I were at my parents’ home in North Dakota over the holidays without much to do one evening. My son Patrick (home from college) had invited his girlfriend along on the trip (she's a great kid). My mother offered to show some old movies that I had taken of Patrick when he was a baby. For lack of anything better to do and a chance to see my son embarrassed, I joined the crowd in the basement to watch 20 year old videotapes. They were all the usual proud parent baby videos that go on and on and on and on without any apparent end. I was pretty much snoozing through most of it (other than when jabbed by someone about looking goofy 20 years ago with longer hair, a mustache and shorter pants). The video included footage of a trip we took to San Diego when Patrick was about 7 months old. My wife took the baby back to the hotel at one point leaving me on the beach (with the video camera). Well, there on the 20-year old video tape that I had never watched before, was a bit of footage that I (apparently) took of two young ladies who were sunning themselves asleep on the beach (nothing indecent mind you).... I tried to argue that I was just testing the zoom capability on the new video camera but to no avail... I got nasty looks or worse from my mother, my wife and my son's girlfriend. I never saw it coming. How could a quiet evening looking at baby videos 20 years old go so wrong so fast? I did get a high-five from my son....

Quotes from Dad

I have a really bad memory for things like quotes, jokes, my kids' names, etc. I do remember that when I was a boy, my dad (and his peers) had some really funny sayings. I remember none of them but every so often my brother (who obviously has a better memory than I) will throw one out that I recognize as back from "the day". This is an attempt to collect those quotes with a translation here and there (in no particular order):

• If it's worth paintin', it's worth paintin' red.
• Cat got an ass? (in response to some obvious statement).
• Now we're diggin' where there's taters! (we're finally making progress on xxx)
• Anyone can screw something up but it takes a good carpenter to cover it up.
• He got 6 and 2/3s for that (an extra 6 months military service in Korea at 2/3 normal pay).
• A fartin' horse will never tire. A fartin' man's the man to hire.
• You should have two hats like that. One to crap in and one to cover it with. (I don't like your hat)
• We ain't building a piano. (don't sweat the small details)
• Wish in one hand and crap in the other - see which gets full first. (working is more effective than wishing)
• Don't shoot the rain gauge (From grampa Pickel)
• I oughta trade you for an old yeller dog... and shoot the dog.
• (in response to: Where's xxx?") He went to shit and the hounds got him.
• He could shit a rod and scald a rat (he had diarrhea)
• Go pedal your papers somewhere else or
• Go tell your mother she wants you (go away, you bother me)
• He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel
• It smells like lighting struck the outhouse in here
• It’s raining like a cow peein’ on a flat rock
• He’s so tight he’d skin a fart for the grease
• He was hunched over like a dog shittin' fish hooks.
• He didn't know whether to shit or go blind. He shut one eye and farted.
  

Joe was Wrong

Joe Walsh sang "everybody's so different, I haven't changed". I think he was probably wrong on both counts. It's easy and disturbing to see other people change but it's hard to look in the mirror and see something different (except maybe gray hair).

Don't Wait

This thought isn't random at all. It's an unfortunate recurring thought that happens at random times.

When I was about 8 years old I loved to play checkers with my Grandfather. He loved to play checkers too (or so it seemed to me). More accurately, I loved to win at checkers. I think he liked to win too. Grandpa lived on a farm about 10 miles from town. We would go visit on weekends. After a great Sunday dinner while dad was snoozing on the sofa (he was fun to pester while he was trying to sleep - he took it pretty well), if the weather was bad, Grandpa and I would play checkers. He had an old card table with a checker board on it and a set of old wooden checkers. I always knew where to find them.

After a long game which ended with Grandpa chasing me around the board in a no-hope situation (for me), it was clear that I was about to lose and that Grandpa wasn't going to make a mistake (intentional or otherwise). Finally, in a fit of frustration and immaturity, I kicked the table over and ran away. Upon further review, I was very embarrassed over my behavior. I owed Grandpa an apology.

I held that apology to deliver "someday when the time was right" Our relationship was never quite the same (at least to me). It was always a bit tentative. I certainly can't point to any behavior on his part that would support this change in the relationship. It was all me. That undelivered apology was in the way.

It stayed that way for years. The obligation to apologize for my inappropriate behavior hung in the air at every occasion but I couldn't bring myself to approach the delicate topic. The more time passed, the harder it seemed to find a way to bring up an "old subject." But the obligation didn't go away (it shouldn't have).

A few days after he passed away (when the sense of loss was not overwhelming), it occurred to me that I would never have that "someday" to apologize. My feelings of anxiety around an important obligation instantly turned to regret. A regret that had no apparent ending. No way out.

Now that regret haunts me at random times like this. I can never forget kicking that table over 40+ years ago, the look of surprise on his face.

School's Out!

Is there anything cooler than the last day of school? Even at nearly 50, it's still a special day.

Paint something

My favorite aunt passed away last week. As a child, I was amazed at her career. She was a painter. While all the other women in the world (that I knew about) were housewives or school teachers, she was doing something that just didn't fit. It was cool. She could do fantastic bird whistles too. For years, every time I picked up a paint brush, I thought of her. The last time I saw her, I told her how painting reminded me of her. It felt good. She was talking about getting a replaced knee replaced (it had worn out after 20 years of use). I really don't like painting but thinking of her whistling while she painted makes it a bit less boring for me. I painted for several hours last week.